bErtukaR bukU

"sediakah aku untuk menjadi hambanya yang lebih sempurna?
sempurna?lebih elok dari hanya sehelai kain buruk mungkin."

kini smakin hampir saatnya. Awal muHram nie harap-harap bawa perubahan besar dalam hidup. yuP..i guess sO. lets review and revise ape yg kite wat sepanjg tahun nie. yang perlu di pohon maaf, sila2kan.. yg jadi pengajaran, jgn di ulang, yg boleh di baiki, kemaskinikan..hutang2, selesaikan. harap hari2 yg mendatang lebih baek dari sebelumnya. rukun2 masihkah terjaga? banyak yg perlu buat nie. semua have to be ready k! kite buat yg terbaik. repair ourselves. owh! rase tak layak mengajak sedangkan diri masih tak berganjak. moga buku pahala lebih berat harapnya! moga boleh temui tahun depan lagi. moga kita dirahmatinya. moga tidak kan dipalingkan dari ehsan dan redhanya. moga kita masih dan sampai mati jadi hambanya. jgn lupa doa akhir dan awal tahun. semua sedia? insyaAllah..

DENGAN NAMA ALLAH YG MAHA PEMURAH LAGI MAHA MENGASIHANI

Mangat eika mangat!

hiasan meja sudah sedia..(mangat kan aku) mana posting result nie! 5 januari? cepatlah!!! sukenye perasaan ini. mengujakan~~~

EikA the tEstEr

although sedeyh masih ade and staf2 di kepala start to lari sana sini meng'handle' certain things, i think i am ok. this morning terasa very rindu at kuih muih di kelantan. i did go back there a few days before Aidiladha because my uncle passed away. My aidiladha, like each year were here in Cheras la. So, because it was only me and my two younger sister, my parent seems to give extra attention and brought us jalan-jalan ronda KB. "dop malu mengaku org Kelate tp dop tau mano tepak2 di KB.." said my daD. durr...mane pnah mbesar kt cni (monologue)

One thing i always wonder is the belief that Kelantanese=makanan manis2 . where got maaa? my PakSu like salty food and our family not too fond of manis sgt. but to my suprise, after being persuated by my tummy to go to the food section @ Pasar Siti kHadijah..... bapok manis kuih kat kelate nih!! it's super delicious and super sweet!and not to forget, kuehnye pelik2!

Atas, dari kanan: kueh Kaswi, kueh Taik itiK, kueh Bunga tanjuNg(egg yolk), kueh Bunga Tanjung (egg white) and Jala Emas.

the sweetest of all was the Jala Emas! it does looks like kueh jala but more thick and wet. my goSh! i could feel the rush of insuline as soon as it reach my tongue. my favorate was kueh taik itik (u can see it is like it...yekkk, please change the name la!). medium sweetness but yet still. the bunga tanjung mmg yummy tp kalu makan banyak rase too much la. they come in two colour which indicates the ingredient. lighter for the use of egg white while yellowish for the use of egg yolk. (thx mum=tourist guide)

(on right) this was a jaw dropping to me. jering rebus dengan kelapa! on my amusement they have fans there ok.

(on left) buah mangga(woh pauh or woh pele mane satu tah) is normal. but with sugar,salt and asam..err..yummy?

(right) these went into my tummy. except for that jala emas. just a pinch je. Manis bangat dowh!
(left) seems like the ordinary kuih bijan yang ade kacang merah kat dalam tue but believe me, this one was way better. crunchy soft shell, sweet fresh redbeans. marvellous!

and this right one here is tepong gomak. i'm sure you know this. my parent's favourites. and left would be the ubi keling. (it was musim ubi, there were lots of different ubi which names i cant remember).

well, i am jakun with all these foods. i did like being there tasting all those foods mcm nyet masuk pasar. ngEhehehe.

Kelate~ my Kampung~myHomeSweetHome!~

Semuanya akan Baek2 ajA..

urm..today is definitely not a good day for me. not just today. every time i realize how hard it is to maintain things in life to be at it's proper place, doing it always makes me sick. especially in handling your heart.. n your hormones. this ambivalent feeling do squeamish me. i feel angry and now i want to shout!!! i am experiencing uncertainty or indecisiveness concerning something. Yes i am. now i start to feel nauseous..daMn, i hate this!

pisau siat siat, hati dilapah tak dengar teriak, nak menjerit nama tak ingat, menangis lagu mnjerit bisu

Sometimes terasa nak tanya to those i view their life as 'perfect' what's your problem in life? so i would know and be grateful that my life isnt that bad after all. i mean, i do have everything moving ok. i do get things that i want and still persuing it. i am happy with what i have and everything seems almost at reach. only this one thing i cant get it right. I guess Allah Maha Adil, He gives you everything but there will be something yang 'tak sempurna' so that you will always remember Him. urm...

i hate this act of being OK when i am actually being hurt. More, i have to be a good, polite and rational girl towards this so-called perkara kecik. contoh paling mudah mcm nie la.. 'owh, takpe la diorg kacau barang atas meja tue, boleh kemas, bukannya diorg amk bwk balik.. perkara kecik je'. N u tak boleh nak marah2 coz itu perkara yg tak patut di marahkan and u r not yang suke marah2 pon. Yes. But when people keep on doing it just because they think you are ok with it, plus they need it, even u once or twice voice out your 'please dont' opinion as you cant take it anymore (for such a long time of holding back) they still seems not to bother! you are damn mad and still people say 'loh, takkan itu pon nak marah, biarkan aje' Argh.. i hate it when i cant hate! macam la nak sangat sakit hati but, it's hurt la... durrrrr!!

but this is not barang atas meja! this is more than that. it's suppost to be the 'thing' i like the most in life where trust and honesty live beneath it. the one i would love to share but not for u to touch or take it as yours!!

ok..i have to stop or else i'll be losing my head. pardon me for this. dont bother my anger, dont even wonder, it's just a tiny stain i need to get rid off. Lord, i'll accept your punishment if this is for my past mistakes. but do help me. i need a lot of help for this.urm..

Hadapi denGan senYuman =/

Me n 23!

i always love birthday. who doesn't right?i will have all the people i love celebrating with me even just a small party pon will do la. but nowadays, friends start to get all tight out with works and responsibilities. urm..trying to understand tapi sometimes wish if ever leyh jadi cam dulu2, lepak tak kire waktu. tgh malam pon kitorg bedal. haha.. best! tp takpe. i still went out with them a few days later. g karoke sampai lebam lae. hehe. thx for those who wished me. luv ya all dude!

mari kawan2 saya kongsi cerita saya. (hari ini im a bit sengal) one thing i never forget about this year punye birthday ialah pada pagi 1st december tue. a delivery for me from my friend, mr. razif (hikhik) i was truly shock and speechless. he's in miri n sending me a suprise yg mane mase kuar rumah ambik dari org delivery tue, saya masih belum mandi dan memakai baju tdo. Gosh! mane la taw nk kne amik present. tp sangatla sweet..thx!

my wish? banyak sih.. but i got myself the best present ever..anna sui miniature set perfumes. da lame mengimpikan miniature set neh kuar, at last!thx to angah, ibu fai n thx to mr. razif for the rest of it. ok, for all of it! look, girls are not materialistic k. we are happy with what we have. it is just the matter of melobi kami for all our attitude being a good girl. nnt bile da bergelar isteri n ibu, pihak lelaki must melobi kami lagi for being a good wife and a good mother. i mean, we are doing all the hard work k guys.. jangan banyak songeh. love your wife and mother. n your girlfriend..or girlfriends. hikhik.

dengan ini diisytiharkan saya sangat gembira menyambut birthday saya. terima kasih banyak2 yea semua. i hope all of you akan mendoakan kesejahteraan saya jua. i hope i'll always be bless by Allah swt, sihat tanpa penyakit, bersemangat jadi chegu nnt, get to fulfill all my wishes yg bertambun tue, happy slalu, di sayangi n di hargai slalu, and macam2 yang baek lagi la. tapi yang paling penting i hope people yang i ever ada buat mistakes bole maafkan me so kite bole hidup aman dunia akhirat. InsyaAllah...thank you Allah for giving me all my rocking-cute friends(yes, u who read this) and a bitter-sweet family yg i truly cant live without. im 23 and going strong bebeyh!! yeahahaaa...

What a dAy..

Sometimes people do things below their concious, not knowing the reason but they feel like they have to. pnah? haha..

This morning i woke up early. Ala, pukul 7.30 early la tue. Basuh muka n suddenly tadah muka for the sun light. i'm not sure why but maybe i need it because my head have been spinning mcm nak pecah since yesterday. For person who rarely get headache like me, i dont know what to do except menghampuk my head to the wall.

out of sudden, i grabbed my scoot key n my wallet. i started the engine. i stop for a while thinking...where to go? haha..remembering my mum havent do the breakfast yet, so..nasi lemak stall! finally i have purpose to live. (^_^) bestnye naek scoot.. i bought nasi lemak for all n low fat milk. i searched for orange juice but nope, they dont have it. poor me. i need vitamin C!

The other thing i remembered was the time i actually dress up in skirts in my house. 'kak eika nk g mane nie?' asked my sis. takde g mane..doing the house chores. and she went'..make up n skirt? mum!!!..tgok kak eika..'

now my head feels as it will blow off in a few seconds. my mum once said i've been thinking so much n i am that kind of person whose mental condition affect my physical health. lorr.. since when ma jd doc nih? n she gave me that look she had when i said kawen tak best, men r troublesome. err..ok ma. i'll better off to get some rest. Muacks!

jelesnye jadi chibi. enjoying his world without headache..

Oh mY!

i went to Pavilion for Madagascar2 the other day. ok la. but i think the fiRst one was beTter. or was it because i sat at 2nd row..from front! i had a sip..ok, a whole cup of small latte and as a non-caffeine drinker (i actually cant even digest it, i even masuk wad for it during high school), it kept me awake for the rest of the night. shit! now that's a price of stubbornness! caffeine is no good. it makes your breath sucks, get u addicted, n teeth turn yellow. if u think brain malfunction by 50 and 'gold' teeth is OK, then it's up to you. but once or twice ok la. (currently speaking He is one of those caffeine-fan who i have to stand, gosh!)

i lyke pavillion@nyte. N ouch!my messy bed secret leaks out!

i went over my sis bookshelf and ran over this book by Sophie Kinsella. i did saw it on new arrival shelf last year when i worked @ Kinokuniya. it is the latest of Shopaholic: Shopaholic & baby. i wonder why it was so desirabled by the girls, so i think i'll take a look at it. well, it turned out to be in bed with me the whole night, but ironically...i was not sleeping! damn, i didn't expect to be carried away and it took me courage for not flipping to the last page. believe me, im in great pain for holding myself back. Haha! after all, it was worth of waking up. ex-girlfriend really a troublesome right? i pray i won't be like Venetia. poor her. she could be the perfect lady but feeling ruins her. Becky rocks! i'm thrill for the coming movie. i anticipate more books on my bed? let's just hope i do not sleep with them. *wink*

Shoe, Bag and Money..

thE last thIng i shOuld bE dOing riGht nOw is...nOthing! wHat else to dO during thiS schoOl hOlidaY? i dId go tO pEtroScience aFter beIng calL a losEr 4 nOt gOing there yEt. and i went to dozen of places in my life dah. Pulau, Sungai, Tasek, Pantai..mostly yg ade air la. is this shows that keluarga che mat mmg ade stRong cOnnection with wAter? sib baek kOlam kUmbahan kami tak miNat...tak ok!

The fact that i grew up and went to school at almost all states @ semenanjung, (Kelantan, Negeri Sembilan, Kuala Lumpur, Kuantan, Kedah, Perak, Terengganu, Selangor) make me realize that i was meant to travel jauh2. so is that menunjukkan my posting will be far from KL? OMG! im in big trouble.. banyak nye pahala aku..waaa... tamaw jauH~~~~

So, where else to go?tmpt yG eAsy and enjOying plus..budget-friendly. end of this month i have to plan a holiday for my bebeyh lagi. Where la to go neh..hehe., bestnye travel. even bro Fai da book flight tuk traveL next year. Jeles tgok org yg da g jauh2 nie. siAp la. Tunggu aja kDatgn aku! muahaHahaha..

A=aloNe (Singular)

thE haRdest thiNg tO dO

iS thiS wOrth mY lifE?

i dOubt something. but i refuSe to believe it. i mEan, is it true? i cAnt believE thAt will hAppen tO a pErson liKe me. i meaN, if it hAppeN foR reAl, mcm mY lifE has bEen cUrsed je? OMG! wHy me? it's kinD oF haRd tO believe all this. buT suDdenly eVrything dOes mAkes seNse. thEn wHy i still refuse to wAke uP n sEe the trUth behiNd thiS? i sHould liSteN to mY friEnds and lEave aLl thiS. buT caN i? i've gOne thiS fAr foR thiS. i riSKed my liFe, mY fEeling and thE trUst frOm aLl peOple whO love mE. .and nOw i hAve to givE up and lEave? whAt if it's nOt likE thAt? whAt if i've nEver been liEd? thE fEeling is alWays tRue aNd i cAn bUilD mY perfect dReam with thiS? it sEems dat it's bAd for u but u doUbt it is and u sTill waNt to bElieve thAt it iS thE best givEn tO U. lifE is all abOut maKing cHoices. the bEst oNe.but i dOnt haVe mucH to chOose. hurmm..

Lalala Langkawi!

my fam n i went to langkawi dat day. worth it! jom zoom, cuti2 malaysia!

upon arrival

bro fai drinking gamat!

freaking cable car

mahsuri house

to pulau payar

sekolah of ikan

we end da 3 days holiday with a vow in front of cendol n laksa 'dis excitement has just begin!' wahahahaha...

lalalaLa~~~

Teacher...Me?

During my 2nd stage of interview they asked me, why you want to be a teacher? more, English teacher? my answer... nothing satisfies me more than doing thing i enjoy the most, rocking English! haha. is that true? well, almost. to be true, teaching isn't my thing but hey, im learning to be a good teacher. thank god i love english.

mY fiRst tEaching eXperience was at SMKTD. with equal rate of Malay, Chinese and Indian, this school is the best place you want to know about how school is. Teaching 4Sc1, and 4P2 give you full excess to students' character. believe me, if being student is suck, try being the teacher. Luckily commit suicide is a sin. haha..

4Sc1? they'll eat you raw. 4P2? served weLl dOne. hehe..you can sEe the whOle parLiment in 4Sc1. very distinguish character. each with dreams and hopes. their thought sometimes make me smile. im lucky to meet them. to see how they challenge each other and me makes me more excited. 4P2 was more lively. they blow your head with their attitude but they were very interesting pieces. combine together, they taught me a lot about friendship; one thing they stand strong with. amazingly, those so call 'samseng' really touch my heart. still in my head, my last day there in 4P2, all those naughty boys made a straight line and bow to me, saluting as they said THANK YOU TEACHER. i almost cried, but being a cool kak ikha to them (they refuse to call me teacher!) i have to be strong. more, a big clap from 4Sc1 motivates me on being an excellent teacher in future.

well, it's a long way to go and tons of things to learn. hope i'll make it. Gambate!!!

my first batch of studs

me on desk!

L=Loser, W=errr...whatever?

well..welcome to me! haha.. i have no exact reason why i create this blog. i think i should be out of this 'blogging' world. but somehow, i can't! nowadays people fight not only with gun, sword, or dynamite. they also use their hands. tik tik tik on the board and there you go, an annoying saying in the blog. kills me almost everytime i read it. well, i shouldn't read if its hurt me kan? but naa.. knowing your enemy is one of the best strategy to win. OMG! this is a sin. how can i blame the whole entire 'blogger' here for one or two posts that crack my head? ooppss.. sori. i guess maturity is overrated (for some). ok im here to write, not to fight. so, there you go..mY sO calLed liFe..