urm..today is definitely not a good day for me. not just today. every time i realize how hard it is to maintain things in life to be at it's proper place, doing it always makes me sick. especially in handling your heart.. n your hormones. this ambivalent feeling do squeamish me. i feel angry and now i want to shout!!! i am experiencing uncertainty or indecisiveness concerning something. Yes i am. now i start to feel nauseous..daMn, i hate this!
pisau siat siat, hati dilapah tak dengar teriak, nak menjerit nama tak ingat, menangis lagu mnjerit bisu
Sometimes terasa nak tanya to those i view their life as 'perfect' what's your problem in life? so i would know and be grateful that my life isnt that bad after all. i mean, i do have everything moving ok. i do get things that i want and still persuing it. i am happy with what i have and everything seems almost at reach. only this one thing i cant get it right. I guess Allah Maha Adil, He gives you everything but there will be something yang 'tak sempurna' so that you will always remember Him. urm...
i hate this act of being OK when i am actually being hurt. More, i have to be a good, polite and rational girl towards this so-called perkara kecik. contoh paling mudah mcm nie la.. 'owh, takpe la diorg kacau barang atas meja tue, boleh kemas, bukannya diorg amk bwk balik.. perkara kecik je'. N u tak boleh nak marah2 coz itu perkara yg tak patut di marahkan and u r not yang suke marah2 pon. Yes. But when people keep on doing it just because they think you are ok with it, plus they need it, even u once or twice voice out your 'please dont' opinion as you cant take it anymore (for such a long time of holding back) they still seems not to bother! you are damn mad and still people say 'loh, takkan itu pon nak marah, biarkan aje' Argh.. i hate it when i cant hate! macam la nak sangat sakit hati but, it's hurt la... durrrrr!!
but this is not barang atas meja! this is more than that. it's suppost to be the 'thing' i like the most in life where trust and honesty live beneath it. the one i would love to share but not for u to touch or take it as yours!!
ok..i have to stop or else i'll be losing my head. pardon me for this. dont bother my anger, dont even wonder, it's just a tiny stain i need to get rid off. Lord, i'll accept your punishment if this is for my past mistakes. but do help me. i need a lot of help for this.urm..
Hadapi denGan senYuman =/
4 comments:
babe..ur case ni macam case qila zaman dolu2 la..heee~~
hello sis..thanks f0r dropping by^^ member qilah yer? =)
qila: wut case? why i donno? waa..nk taw!
vermilion: yups. nice meeting u. expect lots of visit from me to ur blog. ok kn? hehe...
owh this prob... jz relax and take it easy i guess. Marah bila perlu though u dun like to do so, sometimes you need to stand up to be seen and dun always keep things inside nanti well u know wat will happen hahahah~
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