Angin KusKus

Ade la sesetengah orang di suatu tempat nie kan, mmg aku hangin betol kalau bawak kereta. diorg cakap bwk keta kat kl macam teruk kan.. tapi, kat satu tempat nie lagi hina. Org kl bwk keta mcm org giler tapi pandy la sikit kan. tapi ini tempat juara mak bermulut kesat. mmg mak angin nOks! signal tak pasang, pastu main masuk. suka berebut parking pastu mmg courtesy kat atas jalan raya mmg hampeh. siap kne warning dengan board kat tepi jalan, yang berbunyi ala perli depan2. tapi tak makan saman gak. mmg hati batu. mak geram noks! kalau bab buang sampah kat atas jalan mmg takyah cakap, mak boleh bagi trofi! kt tempat lain tak yah la mak nak citer. mak cerita kat satu tempat nie je. mak mmg hangin! sebelum aku hangin lagi, aku nak nasihatkan diri aku dan rakan2. tolong bg signal, jgn buang sampah dari kenderaan anda, tolong bersabar dan angkat tangan utk org yg bagi laluan, have courtesy!

itu aja pesal mak. Renung-renungkan..dan selamat beramal.

Today

I spent my whole evening yesterday from 5 pm until 6.30 am this morning, sleeping. Damn! I’ve wasted my time doing nothing even sebenarnya aku ade banyak kerja kot! I was exhausted, worn out and tired from woks and flu. I’m extremely pounded!

I woke up in the middle of the night, peeping at the phone screen, hoping someone would call or text me. Gosh! No battery. But I’m too tired to even move.

I woke up at 6.30, took my bath and felt fresh! Tak pernah rase sesegar ini! A good rest indeed.

I went to a shop that serves the best mee kari kat Kuantan nie. Best woo… pemilik Chinese but I believe it’s halal. With Muslim workers and the excessive use of Bahasa Melayu. They mmg jaga pelanggan melayu mereka. Waking up early dgn Ana, we went there. Letaknya betul2 kat teluk cempedak. Nampak antik n lama gtu!After makan, we went strolling along the beach. Bestnye! I felt like tgh bercuti. Seriously! I glanced at Hyatt Resort kat sblah pantai. A nice place to spend our holiday. Teringat pergi dgn my best buddy there. Urm..i miss those days.

After penat2, I balik umah wat kerja n semua. Skrg di umah ma n abah. I miss them. And I miss u too.

Don't

Don't believe in people easily.

Especially when they said they have been loving you for 15 years.... without even knowing you.

????

Breakfast yang terbantut

A spoon of mee goreng was about to enter my mouth..

Sis H: Once you get married, you would realise that love no longer exist. (looking straight into my eyes)
Me: (What should i do?? What reaction should i give?? Still hanging on the spoon halfway to my mouth) Huh? Urm..
Sis H: The only reason why you both still live together is because you cant live without each other.
Me: Owh... That's not love? (try to play along)
Sis H: Maybe. But, there are no more tgs that you used to do before. the feeling is kind of deteriorates each day. yet, still, we claimed to love. but never show as much as we did before. all those become strange and unneeded. we just learn how to survive je. Life becomes more to carrying out the tasks right than enjoying it with the passion and love we had before. Sad isn't it? Yet, who cares. Live must go on.
Me: That's boring. No passion at all?
Sis H: Depend.
Me: What do you mean depend?
Sis H: You'll figured out later.
Me: Huh? i don't want to! Sis!

Well, she dragged me into this matter all of a sudden and now she left me wonder. Apa kaitan this issue with me? What are you trying to do? Scared me of? I'm rattling-scared.

Teringat aku wat ana terbantut menyuap nasi goreng udang petai. gambar nie priceless. pelik aku. muka gni pon die still nampak cun. apekah!!!

3.1.2011

Seronoknye first day sekolah!! Pack barang mcm 10 tahun lepas, on the first day of school. Hopefully my spirit will get higher along the way and tak sampai sini je. First day of school dah start mengajar and lots of works are given. Dah headache taw!

Yet, apart all these, ade this one thing yg tak best langsung. A news saying i might be appointed as Warden! Gosh! I nak kene cari husband secepat mungkin and lari!!! But i love this school. Urmm... but i don't want to be a warden!

Anyway, i want to wish happy birthday to my dear lovely, cun, nice, supportive girl... fyeera!

you know i love you!

On new year 2010. Mmg penat! Thx for cheering up my life (^_^)

A girl cry never means that she lose. It's because that's her strength. And for you to know, it is because her tough heart has been touched or hurt badly. Be human. Stop hurting. Respect her tears.

and tonight i swallow my pride. and tonight i learn the true fact of life. i can never be me.

Dugaan (with -s)

Angah was doing the check list. she spent the whole evening doing it while i moped around, being sad for the dugaan (with -s). i asked her to stop. i said no way this would happen. she said "Everything would be fine. Be positive". i just looked at her, admiring the strenght, hope and help.

Abg fai was sitting on the cosy sofa, looking at me while smiling, trying to comfort me, out from the worries. "Relax la, eika. This is a happy house. We vibrate positive thought. We have you back. We'll be here for you". i craved a fake smile to him, hoping i would be okay..and i was still in hope.

I changed the channel and suddenly there it was, a motivational programme, Dari Mata ke Hati by Prof Dr Muhaya. She talked about The Power of Positive Mind and Searching for Peace. Abg fai and Angah was looking at me with the croaked smile on their face. "Eika, mmg kene rancangan nie tuk ko yg tgh sedeyh skrg". i smiled again. this time, i jot down a few things that she said, hoping my hand could direct my brain to do as what i wrote... and i failed again.

They said, if you are feeling unhappy, stress, and in negative mood, it would affect your body and muscle strenght. yup, i couldn't even lift my butt off the sofa.

"Eika, you haven't taken all the clothes in? have you cooked the rice? Eika!" there you go, my sis again. i was quite distracted. i couldn't do things right. Damn, i hate me.

Mum said she's not coming back to KL as planned. There's 'no business' here as the 'high status' people had cancelled it. Suddenly Angah approached me, passing the 4 pages list that she had finally completed, saying, "I called mummy and she said she's coming back to KL". i looked at her, while tenganga, saying "tapi kan tak jadi nak...". She then cut me halfway, " Ma tanya u merajuk ke? I jawab ada sikit. We are going back to Cheras to meet mummy there". Even mummy was worried sick that i would be sad. She was? Gosh! What have i done? making my whole fam worried?

i am the worst person ever.

"rain rain go away, come again another day"

All i want is to see my mum's and my abah's face. Even if i do not let out my real feeling, but they know it. They sit beside me, and try to make me happy in a subtle way. With all my fam members with me, i would hold the blanket high tonight (or more nights) and scream in silence, crying my heart out, and be grateful that i have a family with me who loves me unconditionally. And that's how i know that i truly love them too...

Chameleon

i am transforming into what you want. i would please you the way you want it. i would hide my real colour. i would swallow myself and not let you see the real me. i am going to smile a big smile so u can be happy that you won't even notice the wrinkle on my forehead, craters-in agony. i would bare the heat inside me and stick my tongue long enough to catch the air. and later i would breathe and feel good because i am not a fish..oppss..selfish.

nope.. you won't notice it. you can't tell. you would not know the truth behind the layers of my thick skin....

.....because i am a chameleon.....

i give you cheerful colour but hide my real torments.

Happy?