Dugaan (with -s)

Angah was doing the check list. she spent the whole evening doing it while i moped around, being sad for the dugaan (with -s). i asked her to stop. i said no way this would happen. she said "Everything would be fine. Be positive". i just looked at her, admiring the strenght, hope and help.

Abg fai was sitting on the cosy sofa, looking at me while smiling, trying to comfort me, out from the worries. "Relax la, eika. This is a happy house. We vibrate positive thought. We have you back. We'll be here for you". i craved a fake smile to him, hoping i would be okay..and i was still in hope.

I changed the channel and suddenly there it was, a motivational programme, Dari Mata ke Hati by Prof Dr Muhaya. She talked about The Power of Positive Mind and Searching for Peace. Abg fai and Angah was looking at me with the croaked smile on their face. "Eika, mmg kene rancangan nie tuk ko yg tgh sedeyh skrg". i smiled again. this time, i jot down a few things that she said, hoping my hand could direct my brain to do as what i wrote... and i failed again.

They said, if you are feeling unhappy, stress, and in negative mood, it would affect your body and muscle strenght. yup, i couldn't even lift my butt off the sofa.

"Eika, you haven't taken all the clothes in? have you cooked the rice? Eika!" there you go, my sis again. i was quite distracted. i couldn't do things right. Damn, i hate me.

Mum said she's not coming back to KL as planned. There's 'no business' here as the 'high status' people had cancelled it. Suddenly Angah approached me, passing the 4 pages list that she had finally completed, saying, "I called mummy and she said she's coming back to KL". i looked at her, while tenganga, saying "tapi kan tak jadi nak...". She then cut me halfway, " Ma tanya u merajuk ke? I jawab ada sikit. We are going back to Cheras to meet mummy there". Even mummy was worried sick that i would be sad. She was? Gosh! What have i done? making my whole fam worried?

i am the worst person ever.

"rain rain go away, come again another day"

All i want is to see my mum's and my abah's face. Even if i do not let out my real feeling, but they know it. They sit beside me, and try to make me happy in a subtle way. With all my fam members with me, i would hold the blanket high tonight (or more nights) and scream in silence, crying my heart out, and be grateful that i have a family with me who loves me unconditionally. And that's how i know that i truly love them too...